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Ferguson Riots - Accountability,   The Police Wife Life 

8/17/2014

14 Comments

 
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This is a follow up post from my Ferguson Riots, As seen from a different point of view post. 

A week has passed since the death of M. Brown.  Although new information continues to come to light, there are still many unanswered questions.  We now know the name of the officer who shot the deceased. We have now seen video surveillance tape of the deceased participating in a strong armed robbery just prior to his death. We have an admission from his friend who was with him that they indeed participated in the strong armed robbery just prior to his death.  We also have the words of the Ferguson Chief of Police that the strong armed robbery was unrelated to the death of M. Brown.  We have numerous accounts from eye witnesses and hearsay accounts from those close to the officer.  We have a sketchy recording of an unidentified bystander who witnessed the shooting which seems to corroborate the hearsay testimony of those close to the officer.  What we still do not have are any conclusive investigative results which corroborates either side's version, and therefore, despite any of our rushes to judgment, in reality, we are all as we began....waiting.  That being said, just as in my first post, I will not be commenting on the guilt or innocent theories in my own head, and will be addressing matters which have caused my head to spin in the past week.

In my first article on the Ferguson riots I made it clear I was posting from the view of being a white woman who is married to a black police officer. I also stated that our children are bi-racial.  I am writing this article based on the same perspective, as it is the only perspective I can have. It is who I am, and it is who we are as a family.

I have read countless postings and watched countless news stories and press releases over the past week.  One theme seems to resonate - sensationalized bandwagon jumping.  The media is guilty of it. Citizens are guilty of it. Politicians are guilty of it and organized groups are guilty of it.  I've done my best to not jump the same bias bandwagon of my choice and I will be the first to own, it's difficult for me.  My husband is an officer and I do not like what I am seeing aimed at law enforcement as a WHOLE, rather than at the individual officer involved. Likewise I am having a difficult time reconciling how those who are demanding justice have already condemned this officer before the facts are conclusive, when they are taking such a devout view that is was prejudgment that led to the death of M. Brown.

In my previous post I stated that racism is alive and real in this country, and it most certainly is.  Being a white woman married to black police officer with mixed race children, one of who has special needs, and living in the bible belt of America in a relatively affluent suburb, I can assure you I have experienced racism on many occasions and on many levels.

I have been approached by white women at Wal-mart who have thanked me for adopting my "poor little black boy".  I have been approached by black women who have given their snide comments that I "took another black man off the market".  I have been told countless times by white people "Oh, I saw your husband on his police motorcycle yesterday", and I have witnessed my husband experience racism on more levels that I could put into words.   I have had people in the waiting area of hospitals and doctor's offices ask me if I am a caretaker for the special needs child with me..."you know, like foster care?", and I have been told that mixing the races "gave that boy the autism".

First of all.... I never knew the adoption agency had access to my uterus and should they have asked to deliver the little black boy via my birth canal I would have taken issue with that.  I "got" that little black boy the old fashioned way, thanks very much.   Secondly, although he was extremely attractive, I did not tote my Glock into the police department, place it to my husband's head and force him "off the market" and into a relationship with me, nor did I force him to procreate with me, nor am I responsible for why he's never dated or married a black woman, he seems to have a mind of his own and is in fact, a grown ass man.  You will have to take up that question with him.  I'm sure glad he chose me.  Thirdly, you have never seen my husband on a police motors unit... he is not a motors unit officer and never has been.  There IS however, a black officer in our city (one of only four out of over 100 officers) that is a motors cop.... so you actually saw a black officer on a police motorcycle... I know... easy mistake... especially in this town where there's only four black officers who look exactly alike (sarcasm intended).  And as far as "mixing the races" being a cause of autism.... how about dysphagia? and seizure disorders? Our son has that as well, so I just need to know if I should check into that.... and could you explain all the white and asian and latino and "legit all black" kids with autism?  How did that happen to them?   Oh... and when you get pulled over by a black cop and you happen to be white, using the whole "he hates white people" really comes off as ignorant when the screen saver in his patrol unit includes the photo of his white wife and bi-racial children. But you didn't ever consider that, did you?   And when you take your ass up to the high school where my husband has arrested your black child and before you've ever laid eyes on my husband have spouted off with your loud mouth to school administration that the "pig" is picking on another young black male....you might want to actually SEE the school resource officer before stating such ignorance.... I know, easy mistake to make in a yuppy town with only four black cops on the payroll, but turns out not everything is about your kid being black, sometimes it's just about his illegal drug use and theft.

Yes..... I KNOW RACISM.  I know it well.  As a mother to a child who no one would identify as "mixed" without seeing me with him, I too know about the fears of my child being profiled by the police.  I have no doubt that if my child were a teenager, wearing a hoodie, walking the sidewalk, with a group of black teens, in our yuppy suburb, chances are someone would wonder what the hell those boys were up to.  And yes... I have no doubt whatsoever that it would only take one jackass whitey to call in the police saying a "gang" of blacks were doing all kinds of "things" out in the "streets".  That's a very real possibility for my son and I have genuine concerns about it.   HOWEVER..... (there's the but)  here's what I don't understand....

How in the world are those members of the black community who are perpetrating violence and mayhem against innocents and law enforcement in general helping??  How can anyone justify chanting death threats to the officer when they themselves are in an upheaval over the death of another young black man? How can anyone jump to the conclusion that this officer just decided to take out a man in the middle of the street, in front of multiple witnesses, in broad daylight, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  How can anyone assume he has absolutely no humanity whatsoever?  How can anyone NOT even remotely ponder that he may have feared for his own life?  Not saying shooting M. Brown was justified, not saying there weren't other options....because we do not know yet.... but how can we justify the assumption that this officer after a life with no police record, while working in law enforcement, while having a known history of being a well liked, fair, just and honorable officer, just decided that day was the day to become a cold, calculated murderer??

I
t is those same people who are horrified that M. Brown was gunned down for simply being black, walking down the street.  We are to ignore it because he has no lengthy criminal history. We are to ignore the strong armed robbery committed just moments before his death. We are to ignore everything but his graduation photo and those with his family...... but can ANY SINGLE one of those wishing this officer dead say they would ignore the officer having multiple complaints of officer brutality?  Would they ignore if he had been placed on administrative leave in the past for an altercation with a black male....or even a white male for that matter.... after all, if we're all honest wouldn't we say without a doubt if this officer had beaten the shit out of others in the past that there would be signs and chants "HOW MANY??  WHEN IS ENOUGH??"   If we all own our own truth, we know better.  Should this officer had any past infractions in law enforcement those with hatred for him would be using it for all they could....... just as so many are using M. Brown's history as proof of his character.   It is human nature..... and so is denial of same.

I honestly believe there are a vast amount of members of all races, who are genuinely concerned with true justice for M. Brown.  They want the truth.  The whole truth.  And I truly believe once the facts are all known, that those sensible members of the melting pots of America will accept what is revealed and the justice which will be served.  If this officer was unjust in the shooting, I believe those with sense and sensibility will wholeheartedly agree he should be served justice accordingly. I also believe that there is a pocket of America who is not interested in any truth, regardless of what shall be, but simply their own agenda. 

To those who refuse to acknowledge truth, they will never acknowledge the facts which are the
latest full year FBI Statistic compilation.  2,648 black Americans were murdered in the 2012 calendar year and of the 2,648 black murder victims, 2,412 were murdered by a member of their OWN RACE.   That leaves 193 murders of the 2,684 being carried out by a white person.  Additionally, in 2012, almost 500 more whites were killed than blacks.  Somehow, despite the facts, they will only see that white pigs are out to murder every black boy they see.... and no change can ever come from that.

Those who are promoting and inciting violence upon their fellow man, law enforcement in general, their communities and specifically chanting for the death of the officer, have done nothing but discredit themselves.  There is no worth in savagery. There is no justifying the destruction and mayhem.  Regardless of your plight, it will not work.

At the end of the day I can only speak my own truth.  I am a white woman, married to a black officer and today I fear for his safety from the black community, more so than from the skinheads and sovereign citizens who preach their hatred for not only blacks, but also the police.   My husband is an eighteen year veteran patrol officer.  He is a suicide prevention officer, a hostage negotiator, a crisis intervention officer, he leaves the streets nine months a year to work in the high schools. He makes it his mission to mentor young black men on the importance of making their own honest way in life, a life in which many cases is faced with racism.  He tells them his story of growing up in the same hood they did, with the same circumstances.  He tells them his truth of being one of only four black officers on a force of over a hundred...as in, it's not necessarily going to get easy for you.  He also teaches them that despite being a black man in today's society, there is no excuse for taking the wrong path. YOU and YOU alone are accountable for your actions.  You can only use your neighborhood as an excuse for so long. At some point you must own yourself.  And he teaches another truth..... racism will always be a part of your life.  As a black man you most likely will always be looked upon by many as less.  You may very well be profiled.  You may very well be judged by the color of your skin, but there is no one more powerful than YOU ALONE to change that and you and you alone dictate how much power you allow racism over your life.

Despite being an officer who has done nothing but honor his badge and dedicated his life to truly desiring to make a difference to his community, he is still judged..... I'm not sure which upsets me more?  That he is judged for being black or that he is judged and convicted simply because of the brass on his chest. 
Perhaps I'm just tired of him being judged at all, as for police officers being judged goes way past the color of their skin. There is no other occupation which is systematically grouped and judged as a whole.  We never look to hold only those who are corrupt accountable....it's always "ALL" cops. My husband isn't ALL cops.  No officer is ALL cops.  And very few officers and families of officers have any sympathy for a bad cop.  There's not a corrupt cop out there that I can trust to take a bullet for my husband... and there's no doubt my husband would take a bullet for any of his brothers or sisters in blue.... as well as any stranger.  To anyone who tries to lessen my husband's character simply because of the badge he wears, your input is worthless.  I know very well who that man is, and he doesn't deserve to be gunned down simply for "signing" up to be hated.  "The only good cop is a dead cop".... that speaks volumes about our society.  If my husband encounters those willing to slaughter him in order to avoid arrest or simply because of their hatred, I pray to God he doesn't reach for a taser, or aim for a leg.  He's my world, and my children's world and if you expect me to hope "slowing down" a threat to his life is enough, then you've never spent a day in our shoes.

Despite the racism my husband encounters from his own race, and others, he refuses to compromise his character. He lives life with dignity in the face of adversity.  He refuses to stoop the the level of those who judge him.  If he encounters unfairness, he handles himself with dignity and abides by the laws he did not make, but agrees to follow as an American citizen.  If he is wronged, he goes about righting it legally, ethically, and morally..... he stands by his own truth and refuses to engage in anything which could reduce his character.  Despite the racism I encounter I choose to do the same and I choose to raise my young black son in the same manner.  Do I fear for him.... in some senses, yes. I do.  But I also know that the foundation I lay for him will help him remember to stand upon his own character, regardless of the lack of character of others.


In the past week I have seen such a growing misplaced hatred which is pointless with no hope for a change effecting outcome.  It is truly sad that this is the world we are leaving for our children.   There's not a single one of us who can honestly say we can't do better..... but there are so many who are completely unwilling to stop themselves and just do better.   Own your truth....act accordingly.  "Be the change you want to see in the world"..... it's not just a cliche quote we all read on the internet.  It holds worth.

Melissa Littles,
Founder, The Police Wife Life

14 Comments
Stephanie T
8/17/2014 06:31:37 am

Thank you. I have ranted and raved these same thoughts and words over and over in my head this last week. I have tears of plenty right now that I am not alone in my thoughts. Although my husband is white, we have three black children. I get it from the parents perspective and from my leo perspective. How often he is called racist. As you said if they could only see his screen saver. I am shouting thank you from WA state!!! I don't feel alone. Be the change is right! Amen!

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Tina
8/17/2014 06:32:06 am

Well said Melissa, you truly brought tears to my eyes. My husband too an LEO sees the racism daily as all law enforcement does, and my thoughts are with your family thru this tough time, a time when we need to stick together and try to spread the word.
Thanks for such a moving piece!!

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Johana Kesterson
8/17/2014 06:47:24 am

Spot on with every word! This gave me chills. As a police wife and a mixed race couple, thank you. You make me proud to be both! Thank you!

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Kiddy
8/17/2014 08:26:00 am

You are right on! I admire you for having the confidence to speak out. There are so many misconceptions about law enforcement these days and it is very seldom anyone addresses it as you have. I have never been able to figure out why the blacks can riot and loot and destroy private property and see nothing wrong with that; but believe bad about law enforcement at every turn with no proof to the matter.I am not a racist but I do have an issue with ones that stand and yell that these are their children but do not believe there is any fault in the way they raised them. I am a surviving spouse of a Police Officer and I have a daughter that is a State Police Officer. This is an issue that is very close to my heart! Bless you!

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Mary Ann
8/17/2014 10:57:51 am

Awesome! The world needs to read this article!

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Brook
8/17/2014 11:38:45 am

Thank you for your candid words and open mind.

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Kim
8/17/2014 04:21:18 pm

Just before reading this I saw on CNN that an officer in Ferguson has been shot, that the crowd has been throwing molotov cocktails at the police again tonight, and more of the same judgement of the police by members of the press who know absolutely nothing about police work. I am tired of hearing that the strong armed robbery M. Brown was involved in just prior to the shooting is not connected to what happened. I am tired of understanding the significance that the key witness to the shooting was not only M.Brown's close friend, but his co-suspect in the robbery, but no one on television points that out. Those of us who are close to police work understand the mindset and conduct of a person confronted by the police after just having committed a violent crime. No, we don't know the facts of what led up to the actual shooting. And, I don't know Officer Wilson. What I do know is what happens to an officer when confronting a suspect who the officer knows is violent based upon facts that have been relayed to him either by other officers or dispatch. Training and experience kick in. Training and experience that people on TV second guessing this incident do not have, in addition to having virtually no facts. We know that there was a confrontation since Officer Wilson had a facial injury and there was a report that M. Brown tried to take his gun. I also know how devastating it is for an officer to be involved in a fatal shooting, even when completely justified. And, as a police wife, I know how scary it can be when bad guys consider that a great way to get at an officer is to harm or kill his family. Mel, what you have written here, as well as, your other writtings, is brilliant and instructive. I totally agree with you and I wish that non-LEO connected citizens would read this. I hope for your husband, and your family, that he stays safe throughout his career and thank him, and you, for your service to the community and to LEO families.

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Abby Murphy
8/17/2014 10:17:34 pm

What a great read! Thank you for your honesty and a perspective that most of us don't see!

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Correen Jones
8/18/2014 11:50:07 am

Thank you so much for your very well thought out words! I, too, an married to an officer. He was a State Trooper for 25 years and just retired to now work as a liquor control officer. It's such a thankless job many times yet, one of the most dangerous. Very difficult to see the news and the comments that people make about police, when you see your spouse risking their life for those very people. I hope you're words reach the hearts of many! :-)

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Terry Martin
8/18/2014 03:48:48 pm

This is the best article I have come across in a long time that truly matches the feelings that I have. I grew up around racism and I swore I would never ever become that type of human being nor would my children. I have always taught my children to reach for the stars and that they could accomplish anything in their lives that they wanted, only to be done by the rules and laws of society. I am so blessed to have my blended family . They are the best people I could ever have imagined my children being blessed with. I have three black grandchildren 3 white grandchildren and my daughter in law is black . My son in law hails from Argentina and
they both are the most amazing and loving human beings. I love them dearly. I am white and so are my children. It is very sad to see the hatred and bigotry that I have seen and sad to see that the color of one's skin brings this about. May god bless you and your family, and keep your husband safe from harm !

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Tom Rafferty Jr. link
8/21/2014 09:14:22 am

I am a retired Police Officer from the State of Ohio. I am white and I have worked with Departments that patrolled the worst areas of Cleveland. I also patrolled a College Campus. I have been called all kinds of names by all kinds of people, and hostnames that didn't even fit. I also had a father that was a Police Sergeant, and also a Juvenile Officer. I remembered something he always told me. Treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. That's the way I tried to do as a Police Officer. Thank you for your entry and tell your husband to stay safe out there. And as Sgt Phil said on Hill St. Blues, "Let's be careful out there."

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Angela link
9/2/2014 04:09:40 am

Amen, Amen, and AMEN!
Thank you for this. You have no idea how encouraging it is to read this and know that what I am feeling and thinking is shared by others.

Thank you for being our voice!
God bless.

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Kim Almond
9/14/2014 12:35:08 am

Thank you so much for what you are doing! I too am married to a black man who is in law enforcement. We also have biracial children, one of who has special needs. I love the post, keep them coming! ;)

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Diane Kratochvil link
7/6/2015 08:32:53 am

Wow is all I can say. April has talked about you for ever and after reading my first blog I'm hooked!! Lol

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    Melissa Littles is a published author, blogger and legislative advocate for Law Enforcement Officers and their families, as well as an advocate for Autism.  To learn more, see our "About" section.

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