I look back at my own words over the last year and see the recurring theme; how to handle being a LEOW. How to handle constant change, how to be flexible, how to maintain your sanity in the face of your own fears; how to stay calm through adversity. I talk about being patient, being kind, being forgiving. I’ve talked about learning to give before expecting to receive. I’ve talked about the rewards received when you eliminate selfishness from your mentality. I’ve talked about having faith, being honest, owning your own faults, accepting your weaknesses and growing through them until they become strengths. I’ve talked about being strong, being independent, being capable. I’ve talked about letting go and letting God. I’ve talked about knowing your limits, knowing when to step back, take a break, allow your LEO to be your backup, your superhero.
I’ve found myself at that end of the spectrum, that place where you realize you are all about preaching and not practicing, all about supporting and not accepting; all about helping others to find their way while you stand still on a dead end road. I’ve found myself being forced to acknowledge the vast difference between wants and capability; the difference between your dreams of change, your hopes and visions of a better future; your belief that somehow, someway the world can still be stirred enough to evolve……and the reality that all you’ve dreamed of is as easy to reach as lassoing the moon.
I’ve realized that regrets are useless until they invoke enlightenment. I’ve realized that enlightenment without the next leap of fate is futile. I’ve come to terms with the fact that failure is a part of everyday reality, but it is the knowledge and strength you gain from failure which drives you to determined achievement.
I’ve learned that you can never change the past, but the future is always in your own hands. I’ve learned that self-pity is nothing more than fear of accomplishment. I’ve learned that low expectations are a form of personal protection. I’ve learned that forgiveness is more about allowing yourself to move forward than allowing those who have hurt you to be free from guilt they most likely never possessed. I’ve learned that goals and aspirations are attainable only as long as you ignore those who desire to relish in your demise. I’ve learned you are only as worthy as the worth you see in yourself. I’ve learned ambition is tireless and complacency is deadly.
I’ve learned that moments are to be treasured, memories are made of moments, true love is unconditional and time does not heal all wounds. I’ve learned that loving unconditionally is not always painless but is always prosperous, although not always realized in the manner you expected. I’ve learned at times you must walk away from what you have always known in order to find the path which has been right in front of your eyes. I’ve learned that faith is blind and requires you to trust your own instinct. I’ve learned honesty is always the best policy as without it you are continually falsifying your own character. I’ve learned character is defined not only by actions but by intent. I’ve learned that owning your faults is the best path to conquering your own personal obstacles. I’ve learned acceptance of self is the first step to personal growth. I’ve learned that facing your fears is a step towards peace. I’ve learned that peace only comes from resignation of the past and the release of fault, whether by others or yourself. I’ve learned that contentment is priceless and gratitude is invaluable.
One thing I’ve left to learn is how to accept that which cannot be changed. How to relinquish control of what you thought you knew as truth. How to resign yourself that time only moves forward and regardless of how forgiving and accepting and tolerable you are, it is still that which can never be changed that haunts us. And it is then that you find yourself right back where you started, relearning all you have come to know again….until you make peace with yourself and are able to let go, forever learning, forever growing. We can always do better.