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Dear Wal-Mart Stock Boy, From the Special Needs Mom, I See What You Did There.

8/31/2014

18 Comments

 
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It was one of those days. A day when autism and sensory overload had a grip on my son from the moment his eyes opened before the crack of dawn.  It is those same days which always seem to coincide with days in which things must get done. Days when you must make it to feeding, swallowing, speech, occupational or ABA therapy. Days when you've had that post op GI appointment or another therapy eval which took six months to schedule.  It is the same days where prescriptions are waiting to be picked up and where there is absolutely nothing left to eat in the house.

Autism could care less what you absolutely have to get done on any given day. Sensory Processing Disorder seems to enjoy causing mayhem in the lives of those it torments. That day, was no exception.  From the complaints of his clothes being itchy and his hair being "sharp" and the smell of my coffee being "deezgusting" and making him want to "bomit", I knew this day would be a peach.  He was on the verge of a full fledged meltdown and there was no question....it wasn't a matter of if, but when. 

I loaded my son into the SUV, along with his cup of apple juice, his bottle of water (just in case), his blue police car, NOT the red truck,  the red truck is gross! His American flag, his one orange flip flop, his one blue flip flop, his baggie of chips, his wet wipes and hand sanitizer and his chewy sensory necklace.  Oh...headphones. NEVER forget the headphones.  I then loaded Service Dog Kozmo, his leash, his tether, his backpack and his portable dog bowl.....and NOW, we are finally ready to attempt a Wal-Mart trip which is only a mile from our house. 

As we pulled into the parking lot, and not before, it dawned on me that I hadn't given one thought to my attire, nor my personal appearance. I don't know what upset me more....the fact that I never even crossed my own mind, or that when I finally did, I still didn't have the energy to care.  As I looked in the rear view mirror thoughts of "that can't be healthy" and "Oh well, who gives a rats ass" kept swirling around in my head.  I quickly adjusted the mirror out of my line of sight and focused on the task at hand.


As we made our way across the parking lot it began.... sensory overload and complaints of the heat of the sun making his head itch, the wind making his shirt touch his skin, the tether around his waist being scratchy and the noise!! The unbearable noise of shopping carts resonating the noise of vibrating wheels bouncing off the pavement, amplified in the ears of the boy who smells and sees and feels and hears everything on an elevated level.  Right in the middle of the crosswalk the dog begins to alert as he is trained to do, pulling me towards my son, blocking him in order to shield him from his own environment and I forcibly struggle to get them out of the parking lot and into the store.  We spend the next fifteen minutes searching for the perfect cart amongst carts which will never be perfect.  Too squeaky, too rattly, too shaky, too bouncy.....pushing cart after cart for a test drive until finally we find one which won't make his skin crawl.

We weren't even three rows in before it began..... between the smells of the bakery and deli, to the chatter of store patrons amongst themselves, to the brightness of the fluorescent lighting, the clatter of shopping cart wheels askew,  to the shrills and shrieks of those seeing a fire breathing unicorn.....err..... service dog, in a store for the first time, I had no doubt that I had perhaps, if lucky, 15 minutes before a meltdown of mass proportion took place right in the middle of the frozen food aisle.  The thought of cart ditching and bolting for the parking lot ever increasingly present in my mind, I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the dairy freezer door.  Embarrassment in the form of a flushed heat crawling up the back of my neck as my eyes filled with tears, I struggled to hold it together.  Memories flooding back of just two summers before when I threw on short shorts and a workout tank with a ball cap and leisurely looked amazing while I took my time in the organic aisle while the hubby watched our son, now replaced with my own reflection of sloppy yoga pants, my husband's t-shirt and yesterday's mascara still in place while I juggled an angry overloaded child on the verge and a service dog having an anxiety attack over the state of his boy.  Hot mess was the ultimate understatement and for whatever reason the reality of my title of "Special Needs Mom" seemed to hit me like a wave of bricks.

And then.....it happened.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

Umm.....yes?

"I just wanted to say you're an extremely beautiful woman and mother"

Huh? Crickets. What? Me? Deer in headlights. Speechless.

Let me be perfectly clear that I immediately knew, with 150% certainty that this nineteen year old (at best) was in no way hitting on this 44 year old hot mess of a mom.  It was much more than that.  After thanking him, with tears rolling down my face, I soaked up that comment like a thirsty sponge.  "beautiful woman and mother".

I'll never know if this young man has a sibling with special needs, or if he was raised by a single mother who struggled to make it on her own.  Or if he was raised by his father after losing his mother, or if he experienced some sort of pain which led him to be so intuitive.  Whatever the case may be, he was clearly raised right and this young man looked well past the surface of a clearly discombobulated woman and he spoke directly to my pain.  He spoke his words with purposeful intent. He spoke the words he knew I needed to take to heart.  "You are a beautiful woman and mother".  It was as if, for whatever reason, he knew my focus was on the surface that day.... and he reminded me of the center of my world. 

Regardless of whether we have special needs kids or not, mothers are particularly prone to
putting themselves on the back burner for the sake of their families. There are plenty of fathers and step parents and foster parents and grandparents who do the same.  I personally try to keep a balance but will be the first to admit that by the time I tackle autism, I'm just plain worn out. I dedicate all that I have to my son and his needs and to my police officer husband who has taken on every extra job and grant shift in order for me to be home with our son. I am admittedly the last thought on my list.

For the Wal-Mart employee that day..... I see what you did there.  I thank you for the reminder, and I want you to know how much I needed to hear it.  I hope all those who are dedicated to their children take the time to remember just how beautiful they truly are, especially when beautiful is the last thing they feel.  It takes a beautiful soul to dedicate your life to others.  I can only pray that I will raise a son as compassionate as that young man in Wal-Mart the other day.  Faith in humanity.....restored.

~Mel
The Adventures of Izzy & Kozmo






18 Comments
Lisa Gygi
8/31/2014 10:38:58 pm

I love following your website. I have a 3 year old grandson who is the light of my life. What breaks my heart is the struggles my daughter goes through to get him the help he needs. Waiting until Oct to have a psychologist diagnose him. Has taken almost a year to get to this point! You and your stories always cheer us up and help us through our "normal" days!!! God bless!!!!

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megan watts
8/31/2014 11:06:14 pm

Feom one beautiful woman and mother to another, I loved your story! Im usually sweat covered from corralling my child. So thankful to the people who recognize when others need encouragement.

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Dhana
8/31/2014 11:16:39 pm

Funny how the sensitivity of one soul that can pick up that need of another. Not all the people of Walmart are weird, some are very sensitive souls. Mrs. Little my daughters got me hooked on your writing, she is married to a LEO. I think it was one of the most amazing things she did and believe me she does alot of amazing things. Keep fighting the good fight, you are winning. And for the record, you could not look bad even in a potato sack.

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Melissa Littles
8/31/2014 11:17:50 pm

Thank you for that!

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Teresa Brightbill
8/31/2014 11:39:35 pm

Mel, I love this story. There is always someone who will remind us of things when we need them most. You're right, so many times we put ourselves last and forget that we can't properly take care of our families if we put ourselves last. We have to take care of us too and so often we forget to until the end of the day.

Thank you for sharing this story.

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Di
9/1/2014 12:07:46 am

Suggestion: Find out his name and write a note to his manager.

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Sue Curtin
9/1/2014 01:45:45 am

Faith restored in our youth!

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Cass
9/1/2014 07:06:03 am

I found your article on facebook... and it brought me to tears. My son has sensory processing disorder. He is four and just now eating solid foods. Somedays I see shreds of "normal" only to see him doing other things that remind me he sees the world differently. I am blessed to have him and love him, but this post reminded me of the struggle. I just keep going without realizing I am. Thank you for your post and GOD BLESS that young man at Walmart... and whoever raised him!

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Chris
9/1/2014 08:59:12 am

As someone with Aspergers, I know the struggles that I put my parents through. It is absolutely amazing when you run across someone who doesn't seem to know anything about your situation, but can read your emotions, face, and body language in general, and is able to say just the right thing. That young man is a blessing to the world, just from the way he treated you! I work in retail, and know how hard it can be to keep a positive attitude yourself, and still try to make someone's day brighter. That is the most important thing anyone can do though. Brighten another's day.

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Nita link
9/1/2014 11:24:00 am

That young man was "raised right!"

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Asher link
9/1/2014 12:28:33 pm

I found this and have been trying to get wal-mart to get them. They can be a life saver for many and make it alot easier on the kidos to be in big stores. I have aspergers myself so I know about 1% of the things you go through. But I do have friends that I speak to that do have kidos on the ASD spec and I am here to chat if you ever just need someone to vent to. This is lovely to read and I am glad that true kindness is not lost in the crazyness that has become wal-mart.

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Lisa Vinson
9/4/2014 03:05:23 pm

I think you might have been talking about these but since no link is shown here it is.

https://www.facebook.com/CarolinesCart?ref=br_tf

I have gotten them put into 2 Publix Grocery stores here and I am working on other chains in our county.

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David Murphy
9/1/2014 12:41:19 pm

Special Needs Parents & Adoptive Parents Are Special They Are Chosen By God, And God Does Not Make Mistakes.I've Seen It & I Have Lived It.

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Shannon
9/2/2014 01:19:32 am

I love reading your blog!! I am a LEO wife and we have an Aspergers child. I can't imagine being in your shoes with all that you endure but I get strength just reading your words. Thank you for being YOU!!

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stella russomano
9/2/2014 09:59:42 am

I have 2 in their teens (grandchildren) and had my grandson try to get his way by making people think I hurt him. I never looked at anyone but him, had the store manager walk by to check things out. I gave up wearing makeup a long time ago. Your a great mom, wife and friend to all of us for the smile or laugh of understanding.

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Kaysha Griffin
9/2/2014 12:57:37 pm

Wow! Kudos for your multiple attempts at quick trip to Walmart. Many blessings through the meltdowns, as your son can at least tell you what's "itchy". Thank you for sharing this!

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Jillian Bean
9/2/2014 02:05:54 pm

Thank you! These articles help give me some insight into the families I see on a daily basis. I'm going to share your blog with my coworkers:)

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Noly
9/2/2014 11:31:33 pm

Wow! omg I started tearing up! I understand you completely! and I even though somehow I just got into this post and just meet you, I feel like hugging you cause you are awesome! You give us all hope that there is good out there! God bless! you are great!!!!!!

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    Melissa Littles is a published author, blogger and legislative advocate for Law Enforcement Officers and their families, as well as an advocate for Autism.  To learn more, see our "About" section.

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