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Choosing Faith When Hope Seems Lost

9/1/2015

19 Comments

 
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Like many spouses of law enforcement, I lost sleep last night. The month of August alone is baffling in terms of officers lost in the line of duty.  Those losses cut deeper when you look at the families left behind, not to mention the mind boggling disregard for life associated with how so many of those LEOs were taken.  Before I could close my eyes last night, word of yet another officer shot in DeKalb County, GA as well as extremely disturbing news unfolding of an off duty officer from Texas found dead inside his home.

To add insult to injury our officers and spouses of officers are being bombarded with frankly frightening headlines, filled with not just your typical anti-law enforcement rhetoric, but true evil intent of violence against LE and bona fide death threats from organized hate groups. It is hard to have faith.

          "HOUSTON, Texas – Armed Black Panther members marched in front of the Waller County jail and shouted, “You’re gonna stop doing what you’re doing, or we will start creeping up on you in the darkness.”The statement was made just two weeks prior to the assassination of a Harris County deputy sheriff."
http://www.breitbart.com/texas/2015/08/31/armed-black-panthers-to-texas-cops-we-will-start-creeping-up-on-you-in-the-darkness/

There are statements being released to many departments instructing their officers to be vigilant, on high alert.  In the wake of the assassination of Harris County Deputy Darren Goforth, we have citizens coming to the aid of officers in parking lots, watching their six in order to allow officers to simply fuel up knowing someone is keeping an eye out. I am instantly reminded - don't lose faith.  

There is also, once again, a very noticeable silence from The White House.  Days after Deputy Goforth was assassinated in cold blood we heard nothing.  It was on his way to Alaska that our president made a phone call to the wife of Deputy Goforth with his condolences.  No public support of law enforcement, no public statement condemning the heinous act of cowardice against a uniformed officer.  Nothing for the law enforcement community to encourage them in the least....and no surprise.

It all begins to wear on you. Death after death, threat after threat - your spirit begins to feel burdened.  You find yourself between moments of rage, hopelessness and a mind so boggled at the level of hatred which has grown into a full fledged open war on the American police officer.  This is a heavy burden for our LEOs to carry each day.  It's nothing new, it's just hatred amplified with a broad brush.  Many officers across this nation have watched as cities and counties have seemingly hurled their officers under the bus.  They have watched as charges have been brought against their own, in some cases justifiably,  yet in others it has officers hesitant to do their jobs for fear of retribution.  We've seen an officer brutally beaten unconscious who later stated he feared being a target of the media, so he hesitated.  Our faith waivers.

We have all seen what mainstream and social media does to our officers and their families.  Regardless of fact, regardless of reality, regardless of factual evidence to the contrary, we have seen time and time again our LEOs being labeled as a whole based on the actions of a few.  We have heard the chants of death wishes upon  "ALL" officers from the very groups who are protesting because they are "ALL" being oppressed and labeled and targeted based on the actions of a few.  And yet, even when that common sense is right before the eyes of many, it is disregarded in order to continue the false narrative of hate filled rhetoric against law enforcement as a whole. 

So as spouses of law enforcement, in these times, what are we to do?  There no denying many law enforcement spouses are on edge, emotionally drained, angry, frustrated and yes, justifiably fearful.  I'm hear to say - allow those emotions. Each and every one of them.  However, we cannot allow ourselves to wallow in any of it.  There's a fine line between being vigilant and aware vs. living with an encompassing fear which leads to an abandonment of our true selves.  We truly cannot lose sight of our faith.

Am I saddened, angry and fearful - yes. I am. Have I had moments where I wished my husband could and would walk away?  Yes.  I have.  I have then asked myself how those emotions can help myself, my husband, our family and our law enforcement community.  I know my husband is feeling he needs three sets of eyes and ears and must by hyper vigilant at all times, on and off duty.  In addition, he is determined to keep his own family safe. Communication is key during these times.  We both know we are independently experiencing emotions not necessarily typical of our everyday lives.  We are there to listen to each other, support one another and reassure one another that we will not allow the evil of this world to change who we are or have ownership over our lives.  You can allow it all to break you, or you can push past and empower yourselves as a united front, representative of all the positives this law enforcement family should be presenting to the public. 

Through it all, there is one group out there watching us.  The law abiding citizens who have never had much reason to publicly have our backs are seeing the hatred aimed at us.  They see us.  They are vocally speaking up for us and physically taking a stand to help us and show their respect for us.  We have seen time and time again, in Memphis, in Louisiana, and recently in Texas to mention a few places.  The American citizen is taking note, and they too are tired of the media driven, government supported, continual bashing of the American law enforcement officer.  

So, as we begin yet another day seemingly surrounded by hate and violence, remember the words so many of those who matter have said to the law enforcement community.  They are watching, they support those of us who honor this life and the duty it holds.  They appreciate those who protect and serve their communities and they will stand up for us.  As officers and spouses and family members of officers, now more that ever we must remember the standards we are held to.  I wholeheartedly believe this applies to the spouses of law enforcement as well.  Our demeanor, our appearance, the way we act and interact with the public, the voice we lend as the face of law enforcement families has a vital impact on how the public perceives us as a whole.  Just as those few bad apples have such an impact of the very core of the perception of law enforcement, so do the actions of each and every one of us who identifies as a member of this blue family. 

You can blame the media for skewing the views of many, you can blame social media for spreading the lies and false narratives, however, ultimately, we are our strongest hope in presenting a positive image of law enforcement.  Being a law enforcement spouse is just one aspect of my life as an individual.  I am a special needs mother, a legislative advocate, a woman, a friend a daughter....however, I take my vows to support my husband very seriously. I understand in this world the spotlight is on us and so many are looking for any reason to justify their judgment of us. I have the power within me to present the most positive image of a law enforcement wife to the public as I possibly can.  Our officers need to do the same.  We all need to consider how powerful our actions can be. 

Don't allow the emotions to break you.  Reach out, talk about it, have your moments.  Then stand up and represent in a way which will make little girls and boys grow up saying - I want to be a police officer when I grow up.  If everyone puts forth a positive, we truly can drown out a world of darkness.  Have faith in us.






19 Comments
Lauren
9/1/2015 12:56:09 am

Thank you for this. I needed it, so very bad.

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Kristi
9/1/2015 01:07:38 am

Thank you Mel!

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Cindy
9/1/2015 01:30:29 am

Thank you Mel!

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Peggy
9/1/2015 01:56:33 am

This is exactly what I needed to hear. This is exactly what has been flooding my heart and mind. Never before, have I struggled as hard to send my LEO off to work.

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Tifannie
9/1/2015 03:37:11 am

I agree wholeheartedly. NEVER have I been so scared.

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Ruth Winchell
9/1/2015 02:09:42 am

Stay strong
We are there with you in spirit

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Cyndy
9/1/2015 03:08:23 am

Thanks Mel. Words of thoughtful wisdom as always. Thanks for standing up for the blue

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Cathy Buskirk
9/1/2015 03:47:06 am

Exactly what us in my Heart and mind. Been having difficulty sleeping with all the worries and concerns. But yet, I do have Faith, and hope for the best.....and Pray for the safety of all our officers. God Bless them all and keep them in His care.

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Kellie Daigle
9/1/2015 06:03:35 am

You always know what to say to remind me we are NOT alone, no matter what it feels like. Thank you

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Tina Wurster
9/1/2015 10:20:24 am

Thank you. I needed the reminder that we are not alone in this. This says what my heart feels. Thank you again.

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Lori Jensen
9/1/2015 12:40:40 pm

Thank you! Just what I needed to read!

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Catt
9/1/2015 10:48:49 pm

I love you Mel! You are an awesome inspiration to us. I am so thankful to have you in my life, even if my social media. I rely on reading your words. Know that you are not alone either. Thank you sister. 💙

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Carrie Herrera
9/1/2015 11:39:48 pm

I have been a LEO for 25 years now. There has always been danger in this job, danger that he might not come home because someone chose to break the law. There has been hatred from those law breakers, threats against him, myself and our family, and yes that was scary. But now, they almost have a license, or permission from those who hold office and are supposed to be the leaders of this country. This license is what had me scared for his life. This blatant disregard for LEO's as being human beings, husband, wives, daughters or sons. The fact that someone child walk straight up to an officer in broad daylight, and gun them down in cold blood, and as you stated, not a peep from those who could stop this. I have hope, ands faith, but they lay in the Lord. Yes I have seen those who truly appreciate what my husband does, but where is the public outcry for these lives. I don't mean rioting or acting criminally, but we as blue family need to unite. We need to stand up for those we love. We need to get our voices heard and push this issue so that this killing spree stops. My husband is deeply devoted to protecting our community, now is time these communities start protecting their LEO 's.

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Misty Hooker
9/2/2015 09:37:06 am

Thank you for this. I needed to be reminded to calm down.

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Danielle
9/2/2015 10:23:40 pm

Thank you Melissa!! Please keep writing!!!!

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Sara
9/9/2015 07:58:53 am

Thank you! I have been clicking on your website every week in hopes you have posted something new and this is just what I needed!

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Gloria
9/10/2015 09:13:30 pm

Thank you for putting into words what I have been unable express

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Kristianna
2/1/2016 09:40:56 pm

I have been an LEO wife for six months now, but have been with him since before he started the academy. I have been struggling with the fear and worry, while trying to keep it all from over whelming both my husband and myself. Thank you for posting just what I needed.

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Alex Calloway
5/26/2016 11:34:40 am

This was a great post and I needed to hear it. I am the child of a retired La State Trooper for 30+ years and now I am the wife of a LEO.. lucky me huh? Lol I can't get rid of those pesky cops ;) I never in a million years dreamed I would marry a cop but I fell in love with a man who was a college graduate with one dream, then in later transitioned into his calling being law enforcement... and I was stuck. But I wouldn't change a thing. He had his first shift yesterday and he loved it so much! I honestly couldn't see him doing anything else. He did tell me this crazy woman called him an "a**hole" yesterday, so he got his first name calling haha! Then he did tell me it kind of got to him when he realized every car they were searching had baby seats in them.... I said baby, you will see that everyday it is heartbreaking.
Next week he will be working all nights and that is when it will set in for me... my husband out at night with all of the lunatics and drunks. I feel an overwhelming sense of worry and fear when I think about the upcoming week of him going on his first night shifts. I have no idea how I'll get any sleep! What I cannot get past is that there are so many people who automatically hate my wonderful husband because of his badge and would love to hurt him. This is a scary time now days and it is just getting worse...

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    Melissa Littles is a published author, blogger and legislative advocate for Law Enforcement Officers and their families, as well as an advocate for Autism.  To learn more, see our "About" section.

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